Your own place in the system
You see what is yours — and where you are carrying someone else's weight that can be put down.
The family line as a source of strength. Not as an invisible weight.
Nobody is born with a clean slate — we arrive into a family system that already exists, with its histories, its losses and its roles. What earlier generations lived through can shape self-worth, relationships and money without your knowing, and can create the feeling of living someone else's life. This theme helps you see the patterns you inherited — and gives you back the choice.
What people most often bring to this theme
A pattern repeating through the generations
Divorces, early losses, going without, or loneliness — “the same as my mother, the same as my grandmother”, as though to an invisible plan.
Guilt and heaviness you cannot explain
Feelings that seem to have no cause in your own life — and that do not let go.
Difficult relationships in the family
With parents or with children — hurt, distance, or an endless sense of duty.
What changes
The weight lessens
Guilt you cannot explain and the sense of duty lose their force once their source becomes visible.
Your own life
The family line turns from an invisible weight into a source of strength — and you choose your own path.
What I offer
Individual sessions
An individual session — from €50 · session packages from €180. This theme suits family constellations and the three-month intensive “My roots are my strength” particularly well.
This theme can also suit decks made for it — about the family system, roles and resources — as well as constellations or the course on this theme; I choose according to your situation.
The full list of formats and prices — sessions, packages, constellations, the intensive and the courses — is gathered in one place.
Services and prices →Family constellations
Bert Hellinger's method of systemic constellations: in a safe, clearly structured form your place in the family system becomes visible — and so does the way what earlier generations lived through affects your life today. I work with figures and modelling material; they help to bring the inner system out into the space and to see the connections that are hard to notice in conversation alone.
- which pattern repeats through the generations — and where it began;
- the relationship with your mother and your father, separation left unfinished, a sense of duty towards the family;
- the excluded and forgotten histories of the family line that go on working in silence;
- where in the family line there is strength and resource you can lean on;
- how to take your own place — and allow yourself to live your own life.
A constellation is not hypnosis, not suggestion and not a magical ritual — it is an instrument for looking. It lasts 1.5–2 hours and takes place one to one, without a group. Format and price in an individual conversation.
The intensive “My roots are my strength”
A deep three-month programme working with the family system: 6 theory blocks as recordings and 6 individual constellation meetings — one meeting every two weeks. That rhythm is chosen deliberately: the psyche needs time to integrate what the work brings up and to adjust to change without being overloaded.
The themes of the programme: pride · mother · father · excluded adults · excluded children · separation.
This is deep systemic work: to see the roots of repeating patterns, to free more energy for living, and to build a more grown-up relationship with yourself, your family, money and the world. Format and price in an individual conversation.
The price depends on the format: theory on your own plus systemic constellations and 1:1 practice; individually or in a group; all 6 themes or only the ones you choose.
Free
Book a conversation
Choose a time for a short introductory conversation — together we will decide where to start in your situation.
The law of hierarchy
Every system seeks to be stable. In a family system, whoever entered it earlier holds a different place from whoever comes after: those who came before give, those who come after receive. A newly created family is a new system, and it takes precedence over the old one. The main rule is respect and acceptance.
In practice this usually comes down to one question: how far are you still turned towards your parents — and how far towards your own life.
When this law is broken and a person stays facing their parents with their back to their own life, four things usually become visible in the systemic approach.
1
The flow of life energy stops
In the systemic approach, energy in a family flows downwards — from those who came before to those who come after. If an adult stays psychologically turned towards their own parents, never emotionally separating from them, they cannot fully pass the resource on.
This concerns you too: if your parents in their time stayed turned backwards, the support that should have reached you stopped somewhere along the way.
2
The roles of parents and children get distorted
When an adult does not take the position of the elder towards their own children, the children may intuitively start carrying the family's emotional or psychological problems, looking after their parents, becoming small adults. This is called an inverted hierarchy.
If you were already the one holding the family together as a child, that role rarely ends by itself — and over time it wears out the whole system.
3
It is hard to build a family of your own
If a person goes on being part of the old system — too attached to their parents, for example, or subject to their will — they often cannot build a stable family system of their own.
The focus points backwards, into the past, rather than forwards into the future.
4
Guilt, hurt and conflict between generations
When there is no clear hierarchy, unspoken hurt, duty, guilt and a sense of injustice build up between the generations.
That can show up as chronic conflict — or, on the contrary, as distance and silence.
What it looks like when the law is kept
The right position is with your back to your parents, leaning on them, and facing your children, passing it on. It stands for completing one stage and taking your own place — as the one who carries the family line forward.
And this is not only about children. “Facing forwards” means towards your own life, your own choices and whatever is still ahead.
Reviews on this theme
At first it seemed like a game, but then you start to analyse and an understanding of the situation arrives!
I want to live my own life, so however hard it was to hand the weight back to my mother, I understand that it had to be done.
How I work with the family theme
I combine methods that let you see your own patterns — and let change start from understanding. This is not a format of advice.
- Forming the request. We establish what you are bringing: a state, a situation or an inner question.
- The methods I use in a session. I choose the method for your situation — through images and associations the psyche begins to show what is usually hidden behind defences, anxiety or rationalising.
- Going deeper. We connect what has come to light with your real life: emotions, patterns, relationships, inner conflicts and the points where you choose.
- Integration. By the end of the session an understanding appears: what exactly is happening, why it repeats and where to go from here.
Is this approach right for you?
It fits if you…
- are ready for an honest conversation with yourself;
- want not just to talk, but to understand the reasons behind what is happening;
- feel that the old ways are no longer working;
- are looking for deep change rather than temporary relief.
It does not fit if you expect…
- magical solutions without your own involvement;
- predictions about the future;
- quick advice instead of inner work;
- a form of entertainment.
The methods I use in a session do not give you the answers — they help you see what is already inside you. This approach does not replace psychotherapy or medical care.
Book a conversation
Choose a time for a short introductory conversation — together we will work out whether this theme is right for you and where to start.